Epic Guide

For anyone who doesnt know. The big thing on the internet now days is Chuck Norris. That being said, I decided to explore these Chuck Norris Facts. I found this great Chuck resource: ChuckNorrisFacts.com and decided to share some of the better ones. -There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.

-Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

-Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. -Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

-Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

-Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

-Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

-The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

-Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all poisonous.

-If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.” After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

-The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.

-Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

-Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

-What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.

-Chuck Norris originally appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”

-Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

-Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris. -In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

-According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American “Trail of Tears” has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

-Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

-When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

-Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a “Who has more testicles?” contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

-Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck’s gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

-Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. -Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. -Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

-When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

-While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

-Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

-When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

-Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”

-Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.