Epic Guide|Mostly Harmless

I can’t believe this is an issue. Mind your own business.

Abortions have been in the news a lot lately with the changes in the Supreme Court and with South Dakota’s new law. The problem I have with abortions is that having looked at some scientific evidence, it appears as though the developing fetus is indeed human…which is the question one must ask…. is a fetus human? And so I think it is, and so then I think removing fetuses (or feti) from the only environment they could survive in is essentially murder, (negligence at best). Nevertheless, this action is really really bad. Unfortunately changing laws isn’t going to solve the problem. What needs to happen is not legislation, but a spiritual awakening that represents ALL humans (even underdeveloped ones) as indeed valuable and worth preserving at all costs. No ifs ands or buts…no exceptions. It seems calloused to force certain people to have children…teenagers who were raped and became pregnant for example, but if the fetus is indeed a human, how much more wicked is it to exterminate its only chance at life? Should the sins of the father be weighed against the unborn?

The gospel of Judas is really really confusing, What’s even more confusing about it is the fact that many of the “secret” teachings of Jesus are still secrets because they were lost. The gospel is really valuable because it offers a re-visionist history of the passion events as early as the 2nd century! It’s teachings however, are classically Sethian, and not really relevant to any sort of popular Christianity. The idea of a Supreme Deity over and against the deity of this world deviates tremendously from modern and popular conceptions of God. I think the most valuable thing that the gospel offers is the idea of dualism that is, duality of soul and body. Certainly not a new concept, in fact it generally is frowned upon, however this gospel attaches this concept of duality to a panentheistic vision of God…which is unique. The Gospel of Judas asserts that there is a certain group of people (Sethians) who have a “divine spark” and that those people have been “entraped” by their physical bodies through the work of the rebellious God of the Jews. Which is why when Jesus asks Judas to turn him over to the authorities, he says, “You will exceed all of them. For you will sacrifice the man that clothes me.”

Wal-Mart announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail chain is teaming up with a California Winery to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-$5 range.

Top 10 Names they are Market Testing

10. Chateau Traileur Parc
9. White Trashfindel
8. Big Red Gulp
7. World Championship Riesling
6. NASCARbernet
5. Chef Boyardeaux
4. Peanut Noir
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!
2. Grape Expectations

And the Number One name for Wal-Mart wine: 

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

My grandma sent me this email, so I don’t know who deserves credit.

I got this great email a few months ago concerning the history of French military victories. It’s funny, because it’s true.

“A Military History of France”

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all people, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William’s War/French and Indian War - Lost,
but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induce deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as “de Gaulle Syndrome”, and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: “France only wins when America does most of the fighting.” (Note that the French entered this conflict in order to oppose Britain more than to aid the colonists.)

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it’s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn’t call her “Fraulein.” Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. This and the Franco-Prussian War lead to the question, “Why was Paris designed with wide, tree-lined boulevards?” being answered with, “Because German soldiers like to march in the shade.”

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; “We can always beat the French.” This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

(Balkans in the 1990’s- The Serbs stole an armored car from French peace keepers, who were in general making such a mess of it that the Americans had to go and sort things out. This would be that Second Rule again. Note that later in this conflict/peacekeeping mission, the French betrayed NATO plans to the same folks who stole their armored car.)

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald’s.

Let’s face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They’ve been beaten so many times there’s no fight left in them.

There’s no national anthem in the world as ludicrous as France’s:

“To arms, to arms, ye brave!
The avenging sword unsheathe!
March on, march on, all hearts resolved
On liberty or death.
Oh liberty can man resign thee,
Once having felt thy generous flame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bars confine thee?
Or whips thy noble spirit tame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bars confine thee? Or whips thy noble spirit tame?”
(Yes, demonstrably).
Author: unknown

Google has a great April’s Fools Joke, new Google Romance.  Check is out at http://www.google.com/romance/tour.html

I’m not one to give praise to Al Jazeera often, but I don’t want the rest of the world to be ignorant either.  The official website for the Anti-American network is the dot net, not the dot com.  So the next time you try to bring down the website with an American brut force attack, make sure it is http://www.aljazeera.net, you’ll know your in the right place because it wont be in English.

What does Al Jazeera mean?  The Peninsula in Arabic.

So, I was in class, yesterday. I gave my kick-ass presentation with my group.

This 40+ year old know-it-all says, “I like your print job, but your presentation had too much information.”

I said, “I just bought a new printer.”

So, it’s his turn to do his presentation. He absolutely blows it. Not only did it suck, he had too much information, it didn’t work, he spent too much time doing a scary video advertisement… it goes on and on and on. His own group was about to shoot him.

So after all of this pathetic stuff, the guy asks the class if he could put his personal website up on the screen so we could all review it and fill out a questionnaire.

So, here it is, http://www.phantombones.com, it’s a bit scary, but if you manage to look around the odd content, you’ll notice something………..

It really is apparent when you look at my company website, that I personally designed, http://www.redfusionmedia.com

So what do you think? I’m flattered, he stole my website, and not only that, I get to fill in his questionnaire.

Question 8a). What do you think of the navigation?

My answer. I rate it a 10, because I designed it and I know it is perfect, see more at www.redfusionmedia.com.

So at least I got that going for me. That’s my story and I’m sticking too it.

What is common sense but the general assumptions made by a society that inevitably are proved wrong, generation after generation?

“Common sense” in America is defined by cost and benefit.

For instance, it’s “common sense” to say that purchasing a car worth $20,000 for $15,000 is a good deal. This works very well economically speaking. Unfortunately this paradigm doesn’t work so well for other aspects of society.

Socially for example, marriages are failing because we weigh their effectiveness on a cost/benefit paradigm. How benefitial is it to get married to this person? What can they offer me….money, affection, power, status, attractiveness? Unfortunately, all of those attributes change. People can lose money, they can stop being affectionate towards you from other life experiences, they can lose power, status, and we all eventually become less attractive. And so then there’s this whorrible (I spelled it that way on purpose) sense of insecurity in marriage, because people are constantly reassessing how well their marriage is working based off of a system of cost/benefit. Marriage should be a COMMITTED relationship, not a cost/benefit, economic partnership. Marriage should have nothing to do with “common sense”.

Thomas Merton was a trappist monk from the 60’s. He advocated social change. He led anti-war and anti-nuclear development movements. He met with the Dalai Lama and Thich Nhat Hanh to promote peace with people of other religions. He talked about the irony of the fact that Catholics were more concerned with birth control than the war. Maybe we should think about our priorities as a nation…Maybe the religious right should stop fighting gay marriage and start fighting for more important issues like poverty, war, and social justice. Maybe leftist thinkers should stop trying to attack Bush’s intelligence and integrity and offer some solutions to crisis relief, healthcare and education.

“We have only to open our eyes and look about us to see what our sins are doing to the world, and have done. But we cannot see. We are the ones to whom it is said by the prophets of God: ‘Hearing hear, and understand not; and see the vision, and know it not’”

- Thomas Merton

 Our sins have much to do with preoccupation.

The Seven Storey Mountain - Thomas Merton

The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living - Dalai Lama

 Peace Is Every Step : The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life - Thich Nhat Hanh